Didn’t Win An Oscar? Here’s A Gift Bag Worth $80,000!

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(Photo by Valerie Macon/Getty Images)

(Photo by Valerie Macon/Getty Images)

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The Academy Awards are approaching and we are all wondering who will win the covenant Oscar and who will go home empty-handed. Well, no one will walk away empty-handed. The losers get a cool gift bag! I know the gift bag sounds like a little lame runner-up prize, especially compared to an Oscar. The thing is, this little goodie bag is worth $80,000!

The Huffington Post is reporting that the swag bag gifted to this year’s losers (?) will be worth around $80,000. Yes, if Jennifer Lawrence or Amy Adams comes up short they will at least walk away with the ultimate swag bag. The bag is courtesy of an L.A. based marketing firm, Distinctive Assets. This firm has been offering this celebrity swag bag for 15 years now. Here is the catch: the bag is only offered to people in certain categories. Only the non-winners for the Best Actor, Best Actress, Supporting Actor, Supporting Actress and Best Director categories will receive the goodie bag. Sorry, nominees for Best Live Action Short Film. Maybe you’ll get a sticker?

What can possibly be in this most epic of swag/goodie bags? If Chiwetel Ejiofor performance in 12 Years A Slave doesn’t give him the award, he’ll enjoy some “wine-infused chocolates from Chicago-based Chocolatines.” Julia Roberts is not really a favorite for August: Osage County but at least she can walk away with “Simon’s Happy Pet Shampoo.” We will all sleep better at night knowing Jonah Hill, if he doesn’t win for Wolf Of Wall Street, will have a “mace pepper spray gun.” Let’s be honest, June Squibb from Nebraska would rather have a “Steamist Total Sense home spa system” than an Oscar.

On top of all these expensive, and strange items, each loser (?) will receive a “deluxe vacation packages to the Canadian Rockies, Hawaii, Las Vegas, Mexico and Japan.” Yes, there was the word “and” in that list of vacation packages. Not the word “or.”  Now, we see why this swag bag is worth $80,000. See the full list here.

The 86th Academy Awards will air on Sunday, March 2nd, on ABC at 4 pm PST with Ellen DeGeneres returning for hosting duties.

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